I dont know about you, but it seems like every time things seem to start to turn around for the good something else seems to sweep in and mess everything up!
Last night i went out with my boyfriend and had a great time! after i dropped him off at his house and while i was driving home i was talking to him on the phone!I mentioned somthing to him that i guess made him mad but as far as i was concerned he had no right to be mad at me! So i came home stressed about that... Then i walk in the door to my house and my mom starts yelling at me about everything that she could and using everything against me to make me feel lower than dirt! (moms u got to love them!) My son was hungry when we got home which was at like 11pm... but he had just eaten around 10pm so he shouldnt have been hungry! well my mom tried saying that i was a bad parent and all i think about is my self... while she was saying this i was thinking to my self that she had no room to talk since she is the one who always thinks about her self! All she ever did and still does is make her self happy and not care if it hurts other people in the process! i mean she stayed with a man who beat the living tar out of me for like 5 years and i told her i didnt like him and told her what the deal was! Personally i think that is really selfish!
she is driving me crazy because she wants to be the parent of my son! i want to raise him the way i want to raise him! after all i gave birth to him! i love the help but this is getting to be too much! i have to find a better job so i can move out and move on with my life u know! i just dont know how to tell her all of this with out sounding mean and like a snob! i am not at all either of those things but when it comes to my mom i have a lot of anger built up with her! i know being a single mom is hard! i am seeing that fist hand but there is a lot of things that she should have done differently that i am going to try to do!
i just dont get why this stuff happens when we are so stressed out already!

I honestly have no idea how to start to blog on here but i am going to give it my best shot!
I am trying to figure out exactly who i am... What are the things that truley define me and make me happy? What are the things i know that i need to work on as a person and a new mother? What do i think life is truley about?
You know growing up i always looked at life as a wonderful thing to experience and yes i still think this way but then again there are so many messed up people in this world any more, i am scared to walk around my block by my self! And the worse part is... i have lived here since i was 7.... It never use to be that way but in the past uhhh lets say 3 years i am realizing what i believe this world is coming to and it is nothing too pretty!

This past year has been a HUGE wake up call for me! I didnt think it would be any different than the other years of my life but i have grown up really quick and extremley fast!
I grew up with out a father he died when i was two years old from a fatal car accident! I grew up wanting men to love me and doing what ever it took to get there! i had two abusive step fathers and all i wanted to do was please them so i did what ever they asked but in the long run nothing changed! They still didnt accept me as their own or love me like a father should love a daughter.... When i was 15 i decided that i would let guys do any thing to me and vise versa so i could feel affection even if it was only for a half hour! I put my self in some scary situations... All i came out feeling was empty! I didnt do any thing really bad i dont want you to get the wrong impression but i did do some things that i am not too proud of!
Any way... moving on with this year... I was with a guy i truly thought loved me and accepted me! I was with him for 7 months and in the end all i was left with was a few bruises and being pregnant! The point i am making was i had no idea what love was and i wanted to do was please this guy who ended up hurting me emotionally and phisically! And while trying to please him i ignored my family telling me that he was crazy and not a good guy! I cant say that i hate this guy because i dont hate any one but i dislike him more than i have ever disliked any one in my life! Even my Abusive step dads! I think i thought the abuse was ok since i had been abused before! Maybe i deserved it... But as soon as I left him i realized that abuse is not right! No one should have to go through that! I realized with all abusers or criminals they have a way of sucking you in... Charm, manipulative, making you feel loved... this is all inthe begining... Then after a while its just a little push... panic attack... a slap... and then they tell you oh baby i will never do that again! The truth is they will and it will only get worse! So if any one else is out there in a situation like this please leave... run... and listen to your family and friends!
Now as i said before i was left pregnant...i now have a 7 week old son! He is amazing! He looks a lot like me but has little features of his what i call... sperm donor! I now know what love is and i am so glad that i have some one to give it too!